Riding the hoods


“I’ll be back in a few, love”, said Jack before he went out.

That was several hours ago. I started worrying. He loved the snowy landscape. And he loved it even more on horseback. He’d usually be gone for an hour, riding in the beautiful land my grandfather had left us.

I heard hooves and I saw Dash coming my way, without Jack. Probably more worried than I, Dash quickly lead me to Jack. There, Jack laid unconscious.

“911. Fast”, I thought. Dash looked relieved, but Jack’s white jacket was turning red.

 I couldn’t do anything but stay strong and wait.

Advertisements

20 responses to “Riding the hoods

  1. How odd that we both have in our stories the concept of someone being gone and expected back – I’d just posted mine when I came here to read yours so it’s not like we inspired each other.

    Great opening to a story – will you continue the thread?

    • It’s like they say; Great minds think alike.

      I might continue my stories actually, especially since my last Friday Fiction was well received. I’m heading over to read yours now.

      Cheers,
      Cae

  2. Cliffhanger! I love how “Jack’s white jacket was turning red” adds urgency and makes the reader want to know how it all turns out. Good job!

  3. This leaves the reader feeling gripped by the narrator’s obvious devotion to Jack. If I were to change anything, it would be to play up the sense of fear and urgency by having her torn between the overwhelming desire to stay with him and the pulsing need to run and call for help. But it’s so hard to convey everything in 100 words, isn’t! Good job!

    Here is mine: http://sweettea.kdmccrite.com/flash-fiction-3/bad-timing-flash-fiction-110411/

    • Thanks!

      I tried to add the extra fear, but I then decided to keep the mystery of it. And yes indeed, it is so very hard to keep it to 100 words, but I guess that is how you grow as a writer.

  4. Tight little story, with a bit of a western feel. Well done!

  5. I see you growing, Caely,

    Does one ride ‘in’ land? Or ‘on’ land? Or….

    It’s a good story, Caely and you’d better keep writing them or I’ll have to make a special trip to Sweden to rattle your cage.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Here’s the link to mine. http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2011/11/04/the-healing/

    • Hi D,

      It felt awkward not having you as my first comment… Anyway, thanks for reading.

      I don’t know if it’s riding on or in land (in Swedish it’s ‘in’)… A bit confused about that actually. My intention was to have Jack riding and enjoying the landscape. Maybe I should’ve written that :)

      I look forward to yours!

      Love,
      Cae

  6. Does Jack make it??????
    Great use of the prompt~

    Here’s the link to mine. http://susielindau.com/2011/11/04/lingering-soul-150-word-flash-fiction/

    • I don’t know if Jack makes it. I’d like to leave that to the reader’s imagination :)

  7. I have to agree with Jan with the line “…but Jack’s white jacket was turning red.” Is a wonderful line. It brought a sense of urgency.

    I was a little lost when she thought “911. Fast.” Did she have a cellphone with her? :)

    • In your interpretation of my story, does she have a cellphone with her? I’d like to think that she does, but again, I’d like to let the imagination of my readers do the rest of the telling.

  8. So sad! I agree about the jacket turning red; it added just the right amount of urgency, along with the “911” bit. :)

  9. Did the paramedics arrive yet?! We need to know!
    Thanks –
    Karen (my Friday Flash contribution below)
    http://wp.me/p1MNJe-bf

  10. Look at the sentence, “I started worrying.” It’s worth looking at because there are arguments both for it and against it.

    Enjoyed this story, like others, loved the red, Robin

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s