Lightning birth

The storm was hitting hard on the wooden boards. Jack saw the uneasiness in Lucy’s eyes. As lightning pierced through the sky, the new bundle of life saw the outside world for the first time. The little bundle was dark as night, with a single white stripe from between the brown eyes to the tip of his nose.

The foal got on its hooves the second he knew they existed. He was lively, moving like the lightning right before his birth. Jack knew from that moment, his name would be Dash. Wild and unpredictable, just like lightning.

~~

For those who ask, this is indeed connected to the previous Friday Fictioneer story Riding the hoods. It’s the same Dash, the same Jack.

Advertisements

6 responses to “Lightning birth

  1. Dear Caely,

    I got chills reading this story, Cae. It hit me like the crack of thunder that follows a lightning strike that has hit close to home. Very, very nice work.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  2. Madison Woods

    So sweet! It made me think of my own horse Comanche. I helped to rub him down when he was born and I think it imprinted me as much as it did him.

    My only crit comment is that you’ve used the word ‘bundle’ close together twice.

    A heartwarming story :) I’ll try to send some of the others your way with a tweet and FB post.

    • Thanks!

      It bothers me, too that I used “bundle” so close. I believe my vocabulary failed me. Love the crit, still :)

      Cheers,
      Cae

  3. Lovely story. Love the bit about recognizing his hooves. I noticed the word “lightening” used close together in second paragraph. It belongs in the first paragraph and as the last word in the second, but some of its strength gets robbed by “moving like lightening”.

    • Oh, good point! I didn’t think of it until I read your comment. Thanks, I’ll make good use of that pointer.

      //Cae

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s