Summing up 2012 pt 2

Continuing where we left off…

I’m confused about time and the news about being pregnant has me even more confused. It doesn’t make things better that I have to wait a few more weeks before we can settle anything with a doctor. But my strong sense of service mind, is rewarding me as customers keep coming along with gifts and compliments. I start planning my thesis, thinking that I will have at least 4-5 more months to go before kiddo comes. We start thinking of what to call the baby, and we stick to kiddo/boss. Boss because she always kicked me whenever I went too fast, stressed, or did something that wasn’t good for my body. We decide on names, but decide to keep that to ourselves, too. By the end of the month, we decide to let you guys, my readers, know about how I’ve become a human incubator.

We find out that I’m due a lot earlier than expected, and it results in postponing my evening classes and thesis. My newly started course includes a field trip and I worry I might overdo things and drag my classmates down by being pregnant. It turns out, everyone is a lot more helpful than I ever expected and my professors are far more understanding that I ever imagined. It helps, but I still feel like I am in the way.
We also get our first ultrasound appointment, and we find out we’re expecting a little girl. We’re also given a dose of shock as the nurse tells us we’re 7 months along instead of 5. And so the stress level rose a little bit more.
I also participate at the annual science fair the university hosts.

We put up an ad for our apartment as we figure we can’t really live the way we do with a baby on the way. My hormones are messing with my memory, and occasionally I forget what I was like before all the hormones. That fact is more disturbing than anything else. We also start buying a lot of the baby stuff, and Zoe’s pile of clothes grows by the day. And out of randomness, the Dutchman buys me Guild Wars 2, and I am hooked. GW2 becomes my way of passing time, as I decide school is too much for my body to handle now that I’m getting bigger and bigger and am forced to stay at home.

We’re told I’m due November 16th, and as the date approaches, we get more anxious. My parents take me out for lunch twice a week to keep me company as the Dutchman works. Mom gets overprotective and she even escorts me home, even when I oppose.
The apartment gets sold, and we start to look for a new one with less worry.
After a long wait, I wake up at 4 am Friday November 30th, thinking I was only going to the bathroom. Splash, and my water breaks. My poor Dutchman had just gone to bed, and got no sleep as we call the hospital and a taxi to get us where we need to be. 11 hours, 1 morphine shot (to relax me as I only opened up 2 cm during 9 hours…) later, Zoe is in my arms. At first, I’m so taken by the side effects of the morphine (seriously, it was so bad I couldn’t hear the nurses…), I understand squat. I remember staring at my clothes, thinking why are they covered in blood and why is there something heavy on my chest? That was going through my mind repeatedly, until I saw that cute little hand.

Sometime in November, round and as quick as a sloth
Sometime in November, round and as quick as a sloth
Little miracle!
Little miracle!

My update-rate increases as Zoe becomes my greatest source of inspiration. I discover how much love I have, and how much I love my extended family. I also find out my patience is almost endless with our little human, and we struggle a little to find her a Chinese name. I start to plan next year, and I realize I can’t finish off a few exams in January because Zoe is so dependent on me for food. I don’t mind, everything I do, I do it for her, regardless of how much it might hurt me.
Christmas is spent gazing into Zoe and finally realizing she is ours, and this is really happening. Now New Year’s Eve awaits and I’m curious of how it will be. Once again, it will be spent with the same nice crew as it has been the past three years. Never thought that New Year dinner from 2009 would become successful enough for all of us to gather and enjoy ourselves again.
Thinking back, we were all kids back then (haha makes us feel old now), and how half of us are now parents to 2 lovely little humans. What to expect of 2013, then?

What true love looks like to me
What true love looks like to me

//c_Cae; figuring out my resolutions…



Where to begin if not trying to tell you guys about the most eventful months of the year? As 2012 is coming to an end, I figured I can reveal some thoughts that I haven’t revealed when posting. I know I usually don’t do it like this, but it has to be a first time sometime :)

I move in with the Dutchman Dec-11, and start anew.
I also write for the great crew of Friday Fictioneers, something I never thought I was good at, but turns out I really am. I also try to edit pictures and I promise myself to take more pictures of everything (I improved, although I’m not really where I want to be. Not yet.). I’m also out with Marcus and the Dutchman for what would be the last of our last party nights. I remember trying to hook my friend up with countless of cute girls, but he ends up talking business with dudes. This is also a month were I reflect strongly on life and my goals as my beloved grandmother struggles with her cancer. I visit her every day, and it takes tolls on my health and school work. Thinking things through, the Dutchman and I decide to have a baby. Let the trying begin. 

My writing for the Fictioneer’s is taking the toll as my schedule gets busier. Studying environmental law seems hard, and I can’t picture myself passing the class. I worry, and so I start planning like a moron, leaving little to no time for anything else than duties. Nothing much really happens this month, except that we keep our baby plans secret.

March – April
Much time is spent doing things together, the Dutchman and I. The science fiction fare is in town, and I’m head over heels for the season 2 premiere of Game of Thrones. Law class are over and I take on animal behavior classes. I also start thinking of life again, and question why I would want a child now. I keep thinking, that if I do it so my grandparents are alive and well to see my children, it ruins the point. I figure, I need to do this for me because I feel ready, not because someone might disappear from my life. And so, we kind of put that on hold… Little did we know that Zoe already existed by the time we decide this. Also, I meet up with one of my dearest friends to find out he’ll be moving to Japan soon. My heart breaks a little, but I’m still very happy for him.

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May – June
I start noticing I’m gaining weight, and I keep thinking to myself that I might have been slacking off too much on both exercise and proper food. I get crazy cravings for fruit, and I consume literally kilos of it every week. It occurs to us that I might be prego, but all our tests show up negative so we keep thinking I’m just getting fat. In retrospect, what the hell? I don’t get fat, it’s not in my genes (also I hate unhealthy food). My blog update-rate are crashing and I keep on working.
My brother graduates high school, and we spend a lot of time outside of Malmö.

I turn 26 and people ask me whether I feel old. I say I do, but my age only makes others take me more seriously so I don’t mind. I keep working and I notice how children look at me in a far more curious way than they have before. Some costumers at work even ask if I am expecting a child, but I keep saying no. I didn’t know about it until the end of the month, when I have a strange dream of a baby kicking in my belly. That morning, I get up and take a test. BAM, positive. Some people give me a hard time about it and others embrace it like they just won the lottery. Me, I’m just confused. I make a few phone calls and I need to wait a few weeks before I get a doctor’s appointment to see how far along I am. My belly starts pouting for sure now and I have trouble fitting in my regular clothes.

I’ll continue this tomorrow, this is getting too long now haha.

//c_Cae; 2012 was interesting ;O


The clock just ticked a little bit past midnight here on my turf of the world. Although I’m playing Tetris like the geek I am, the big screen TV is flashing all the pictures of Zoe on the Dutchman’s computer. As I’m writing this, one of the first pictures of her is showing. I remember where it was taken, in the hospital’s dining room, in the little transparent bed we had her in. She was tiny, chubby, and dressed in her awesome Rolling Stones one piece. When I look at the picture, I see how much she has changed, not only her face, but she has grown a lot the past four weeks. And as I stare a little bit more on that very picture, it just occurred to me that this little human had grown inside of me for so long, and when we finally got to meet her, it took me about four weeks to actually realize she is ours. That she is so dependent on us to teach her all we know and a little more.

I think of it, and I’m filled with joy and warmth. I can’t really put my finger on it, but if this is what love feels like, then I’ll have to say, it’s a first. And I am more than fine with it.

New Years is coming up and I have no idea what kind of resolution I want for it. I can only think of one, and that is to finish my Bachelor’s degree and move on to the Master. This is when I realize, that I really need to get some routines soon or else school won’t work very well with mommy life. It’ll work out, soon enough. I hope ;)

//c_Cae; any New Years resolutions yet, my dear readers? 

Holidays and stuff

Hi everyone!

Hope you’re all enjoying Christmas and stuffs. Personally, it’s just another day for me, it’s never been a big deal. Okay, that’s a little lie. When I turned 18, my mom snuck in a little box under the tree. This box was ridiculously alike a box in which you keep expensive rings in, and she totally had me fooled that it was a diamond ring. That year, I was stoked and actually liked Christmas. Turned out it was a watch, a Certina. I have, since that Christmas, never worn another wristwatch. Before it, I had broken several other watches, but this one it’s different. Not only was it expensive, but it’s barely breakable. Unless you want to scratch it with diamonds, but who’d do that?

This year, I got a cute little tea pot. I’ll post a picture of it when I remember to actually take it (I tend to forget things whenever Zoe pops up in my head, which is often). My parents actually bought me a diamond ring when I told them I was expecting Zoe, and I have Zoe. I got what I want (except that big shot job in Australia, but I’ll get there).

So, from all my pixels to all your pixels; Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

My lovely Certina <3

Screen Shot 2012-12-25 at 7.34.09 PM//c_Cae; I guess this settles how expensive taste I have in things I want haha

Finding balance

Today, the little miracle we named Zoe turned three weeks. Since then, I’ve been trying to find balance between school work and family. So far it has been pretty hard. Our first night was awful, didn’t sleep much. This week, however, has gotten better and I now have tracked down which hours Zoe is sound asleep and which hours I like to sleep myself. I keep getting advice about when I should sleep (read: sleep whenever your baby sleeps). But I can’t do that, babies sleep like 18 hours a day. I still have other duties to tend to, like making sure our home actually looks like a home and not like a kindergarten playground; taking care of myself is another thing that is important. Those things and school work are as important as any. I mean, I’ve been so tired, I’ve worn my glasses for two-three days now because my eyes are hurting due to the lack of sleep. I’m still not complaining, just explaining so keep that in mind when reading ;)

So during the roughly 6 hours I am actively awake, Zoe sleeps about 3 of those. During the other three hours, I have to do all the things I want and need to do. Thing is, with the lack of sleep, my apetite is also downed thus making my efficiency in school work (a.k.a. essay writing) a lot slower. And that is horrible, because I promised myself that I’d finish this essay in three weeks, and one week has already flown away without me even had sort out the important parts of the articles I’ve acquired. Yuck @ inefficiency.

I’ll find the balance again, I’m sure of it. I just don’t know when, and I try my best not to let that get to me too much. I mean, soon enough, Zoe will learn the proper rhythms and I’ll be allowed to do things like I used to. Well, almost like I used to at least ;)

//c_Cae; continues to work through the articles

Good morning!

Had you asked me a year ago that I’d be up at 5 am blogging, I’d laugh. A lot. But here I am, just sent Zoe to the sleepyheads and I’m about to crash into our bed any second.

Just wanted to stop by and say something I can’t stress enough about.
My friends, truly are the family I was lucky enough to come across and choose myself. Even the ones I haven’t met for a while are willing to keep in touch. Can’t say it too many times, but I love you guys <3

//c_Cae; morning to some, night night for me!

Oh hi!

Zoe kept me up until 5 am this morning before she finally gave in to the world of sleepyheads. She then woke me up every two-three hours. This has been going on for a few days now and surprisingly, I have not gotten pissed. I haven’t even been close of snapping, which is weird given my awful temper when I am tired and lack sleep. But I’m not here to complain, I’m giving you my favorite outfits from the VS Fashion Show 2012. I don’t know where I stand about the artists that performed (Rhianna, Bruno Mars and Bieber). VS has certainly done better in that aspect, as well as the outfits and interviews. I must admit that last year’s show was many times better than this year’s.

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And as a bonus for have kept you guys waiting on a post, I present to you the pose Zoe makes every time she has finished a meal. This is the signal she gives me when she is full and doesn’t want to eat anymore.

Food coma!
Food coma!

She has very interesting poses, and I’m honest when I say we never make her do the faces/poses that she does, she just does them. Because I like this so much, here’s one more picture of our little miracle.

Maybe she wants to be a model :O

//c_Cae; very excited and happy for our friends, also I need to get starting on an essay (yay more writing!)