Pondering life

Sometimes, when I’m alone, I feel like I’m missing something in my life. I had a hard time figuring it out, until I spoke to one of my best friends yesterday. I’ve felt this feeling of emptiness for a while now, and truth is, I couldn’t put my finger on it until yesterday. Yesterday was when I actually realized that I am in fact missing something in my life. This might sound weird coming from someone who is part-owner of the apartment she lives in, has her very own Dutchman, an adorable little daughter, and is someone that is studying a subject that completely rocks her pants every day. From the outsider’s point of view, this seems like a picture perfect. And I couldn’t grasp why it felt so empty when I thought about it.

And then my wise childhood friend told me: You need the stability of work. You’ve studied for so long now, and you’ve achieved so many other aspects of life, but not in your career. Not yet. What you need is the stability that comes with having your own office at a 9 to 5 job, doing what you’re good at. Doing something you love. That’s what you need.

That was when it hit me, those words are accurate to what I am feeling, and what I’m missing. I’m almost done, but maybe not as soon as I had previously thought. I will be though, one day, I’ll have that work I can joyfully go to. Thing is, as I try to live by my beliefs, I thought having a family, working for my dream, and having my very own home was enough to be fulfilling. I really want it to be enough, but it isn’t, and that bothers me.

Something to think about. It triggered a whole chain of thought for me...

Something to think about. It triggered a whole chain of thought for me…

So, I’m trying to let it stop bothering me. If not, it’ll cloud my sight of my goal and that’s no good.
Also, I tried to plan out the rest of my semester and I managed to include the thesis work into it, but completely forgot the two other courses that I am taking.

Excuse the sloppy handwriting >_>

Excuse the sloppy handwriting >_>

Now, I need to cram in the statistics and fish course. Awkwardly enough, I am actually kind of excited for the statistics course. During the past courses I have taken, I have gotten to terms with their importance, and I actually want to learn it. This was really not the case when I started out 2010. I hated statistics because I wasn’t ready for it. I wasn’t ready to commit myself to it enough to understand it. They were just numbers. It’s different now, and I’m thankful for that.

//c_Cae; sitting here, singing, contemplating whether to make a video log or not…


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