Good or bad?

I thought that today would be my last day at the fly lab, but since the sample size of one category was too small, I have to do it again. At the beginning of the experiment, I was kind of bummed out knowing it’d be my last day. That’d mean that I had to return my keys to the labs, and killing off my flies one last time. Until today, I never knew I could get so sentimental about lab work.

I felt great relief that I got to work with the flies for one more life cycle. I don’t really know if this is a good thing. It’s great to love what you do, but is it necessary to be attached to the level where you get bummed out on the last day? I kept thinking about it while on the bus home, but got carried away by the beauty of the evening sun and I fell asleep.

The little one has some teeth growing again. It aches so much, she can barely sleep. I figured out that she sleeps better if she sleeps next to me so I don’t really get to sleep that much. That’s okay, though. If she is happy, I’m happy too, even if it means that I have to consume a little bit more coffee than normal.

Oh, about coffee. I just recently found out that my fave brand of coffee is owned by an enterprise I really don’t like. I died a little. So now I have to find a coffee blend as good, or better. Merde.



4 responses to “Good or bad?

  1. Dear Caely,

    While I don’t relate to flies and labs, I’m wildly sentimental.

    Seven years ago we moved from the house I’d lived in, on and off, for most of my life. By then I hated it and couldn’t wait to unload it. Yet, the last night there, after we’d finished cleaning it out, I sat on the stoop and wept. I grew up there, I remembered childhood friends who no longer live in the neighborhood. It was a bittersweet moment.

    I guess I said that, to say I understand your being bummed about working in the lab for the last time. Allow yourself to grieve.

    Teething was a rough time for Shannon. Many sleepless nights and I didn’t drink coffee back then. ;)

    I wish you well on finding another coffee source. There are products I don’t buy because of what they stand for.

    Thinking of you with great fondness,



    • Dear R,

      You did relate to my work with the house. I do that, too. Sometimes, I hate admitting I am sentimental. I guess I can’t really decide whether I want to be or not, or I just simply have a hard time knowing when to be and when not to be sentimental.

      Sometimes, feeling too much gets the best of me and I don’t know where to go.

      Very admirable that you pulled nights without sleep without coffee! I don’t know what I’d do without coffee (I’m not nice when I’m sleep deprived).

      Glad you’re still on this trip with me. I cherish it beyond words.


  2. Dearest Caely,

    When the road is long and seems longer, stop and look back to where you came from, because it will always be a part of who you are, then look around you, for there will always be a miracle or three waiting for just you to experience them, then take a deep breath and a step… then another and another, down that road that leads to the future. We all walk it, we all have the same doubts and fears and labor under the burden and joy of responsibilities unwanted and wanted. You are not alone. Yours is going to be a marvelous journey, a beautiful story and a fulfilling life. I wish I could be around for more of it, but right now is enough. I’m the wind in the trees, Caely, whispering, ever whispering a song of courage for you.



    • My dear dear friend,

      Thank you for the kind reminder. I seem to have forgotten a little of my history, and what it has taught me. Luckily, I write a lot so I just need to look down the archive.
      Just having you around, commenting my posts ever so often, is more presence than I can ever hope for (I blame the giant pond that separates us).
      Once again, thank you for your wisdom, and for being the gentle wind that I need.


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