Echoes

Two weeks ago, I went to see the student’s councillor because I was unsure of what to do with my next semester. Given that I’ve studied for four years and still haven’t taken any degree had me a little worried about what I’d do later on, I figured that asking would be the best thing to do. So I did.

What she told me then, was something I really did not expect from a student’s councillor. As a sidenote, I’ll tell you that she was the one telling me to do my bachelor’s thesis three months ago. Though this time, she went and asked me why I did it since I’m a fourth year student. I reminded her of our last meeting, and she was still flabbergasted about how and why I would do this. Then she went on and told me how I could’ve done my Master’s thesis for 45 credits instead of 30 to make up for a Bachelor’s degree. She also asked me what I wanted to do in my future, and I told her the same thing I tell everyone else: I want to contribute to saving the oceans. I want to stay in academia so I can educate and research to my heart’s content, so that the world will be a better place. What she then said to me, has been stuck in my head like someone took a note and super-glued it to my head. She told me that I can’t stay in academia because my grades aren’t impressive enough.

I really didn’t know how to react. In my head I thought: really? That’s all it comes down to? I squeeze in master’s courses into my bachelor’s degree while doing all my other bachelor’s courses at the same time – and it doesn’t pay off because I have a few Bs here and there? I must admit, I don’t think my grades are impressive if I am to be honest, but I have Asian standards and they’re blown out of proportion so that doesn’t really count. It makes me super sad that a student’s councillor, who is supposed to encourage, said this. And it’s affecting me in my work more than I would ever like to admit. At such a crucial time for my thesis report (I just handed it in, and now it awaits its judgement), it’s only clouding my ability to draw conclusions. Personally, I think my report is crap, at least the last part of it, but I don’t know anymore. I really, really, need to stop letting things like that get to me so much.

I guess that on Thursday, I will go to the ocean side and hopefully that will bring peace to my mind. I really hope so, I hate that I can’t draw conclusions. It’s something I’ve always taken pride in doing, something I’ve always been good at ever since I was introduced to science. Never have I had such a hard time understanding things. I really do hate this state. 

Where’s Dory when I need her?

//c_Cae; never been so confused in my life…

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3 responses to “Echoes

  1. Dearest Caely,

    Councillors are like critics. They create nothing, yet feel perfectly capable of judging the work of creative people. Do not pay the slightest bit of attention to that person. Figure out what you need to do to do what you want to do and then go do it. That is al you need. That and the will power (which I know you have) to make it so. We (the grateful mass of humanity) need you working passionately in your field. And so do you. Now enjoy the seashore and then get back to it.

    Love,

    Doug

    P.S. Never ever confuse education with intelligence.

    • Dearest D,

      What would I do without you, seriously? Thank you for the kind reminder! I feel better already. I’ll try to find my way back, and when I do, I’ll rock it for you and everyone else on this bus ride.

      Love you lots,
      Caely

  2. Dear Caely,

    Sorry I’m late to this party. Been pretty self absorbed lately with graduation cakes and Friday Fictioneers.

    I once had a high school counselor tell me I wasn’t college material and I should either get married or go to trade school. I was only 17 at the time and translated his advice into “you’re stupid.”

    Years later when in a psyche ward for depression they did IQ testing which I was shocked to find was moderately high. Not Mensa material but no dummy.

    At any rate I share this to tell you, your grades aren’t you. You are remarkable. Hope you’ve found peace at the ocean. I’m already being rocked on this bus ride.

    Love, Laughter and shalom,

    Rochelle

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