Two weeks ago, I went to see the student’s councillor because I was unsure of what to do with my next semester. Given that I’ve studied for four years and still haven’t taken any degree had me a little worried about what I’d do later on, I figured that asking would be the best thing to do. So I did.
What she told me then, was something I really did not expect from a student’s councillor. As a sidenote, I’ll tell you that she was the one telling me to do my bachelor’s thesis three months ago. Though this time, she went and asked me why I did it since I’m a fourth year student. I reminded her of our last meeting, and she was still flabbergasted about how and why I would do this. Then she went on and told me how I could’ve done my Master’s thesis for 45 credits instead of 30 to make up for a Bachelor’s degree. She also asked me what I wanted to do in my future, and I told her the same thing I tell everyone else: I want to contribute to saving the oceans. I want to stay in academia so I can educate and research to my heart’s content, so that the world will be a better place. What she then said to me, has been stuck in my head like someone took a note and super-glued it to my head. She told me that I can’t stay in academia because my grades aren’t impressive enough.
I really didn’t know how to react. In my head I thought: really? That’s all it comes down to? I squeeze in master’s courses into my bachelor’s degree while doing all my other bachelor’s courses at the same time – and it doesn’t pay off because I have a few Bs here and there? I must admit, I don’t think my grades are impressive if I am to be honest, but I have Asian standards and they’re blown out of proportion so that doesn’t really count. It makes me super sad that a student’s councillor, who is supposed to encourage, said this. And it’s affecting me in my work more than I would ever like to admit. At such a crucial time for my thesis report (I just handed it in, and now it awaits its judgement), it’s only clouding my ability to draw conclusions. Personally, I think my report is crap, at least the last part of it, but I don’t know anymore. I really, really, need to stop letting things like that get to me so much.
I guess that on Thursday, I will go to the ocean side and hopefully that will bring peace to my mind. I really hope so, I hate that I can’t draw conclusions. It’s something I’ve always taken pride in doing, something I’ve always been good at ever since I was introduced to science. Never have I had such a hard time understanding things. I really do hate this state.
//c_Cae; never been so confused in my life…