Eyes on the prize?

These past few days I’ve pondered over what to do for my Master’s project. From doing my BSc, I’ve come to realize a few things:

1. Science rocks my world. Really, it does. Even when I’m doing some background research and read articles that don’t make any sense the first time I read them, science is still fascinating beyond my own understanding.It makes me want to learn more and more, which brings me to #2.

2. My craving for learning. I always want to know more about things. The craving for knowledge is the only one greater than my love for food. You guys would know by now that my love for food is great. And sometimes, this makes making decisions very ,very hard. Times like now.

This is probably one of the most powerful quotes that ever has been processed in my brain.

Nothing is impossible, is something that I’ve learned from talking to my BSc supervisors. Just because the student councillor told me I’m not good enough, it doesn’t mean I’m not. I’ve impressed people I’ve worked with, even though occasionally I am socially awkward (still finding my way back, I still miss her a lot and I always will). But thing is, I’ve always wanted to educate people so we as a species can learn to preserve rather than destroy. It’s just that I can’t stand high schoolers and university life is all I know (which should really encourage me to explore the life outside of it).

What I’ve learned is that I have two career options: to fight to stay in academia (i.e. get a Ph.D for starters) or do my MSc outside of the university and later find a job at the municipal office/work as a consultant. I know I’d hate working in a municipal office, even though I’d probably learn a lot.
As a consultant, I really don’t know how I’d like it, although I know for sure I hate studying environmental law (I’d need it for the municipal job, too).

In academia, I’d get to do research, write and spend lots and lots of time in a lab or out doing fieldwork. If it wasn’t so hard as my head messes it up a bit, I’d probably choose this in the blink of an eye. But thing is, the municipal and consultant jobs are steady. I wouldn’t need to worry about the salary, pension or anything of the like, while in academia funding is unstable. I need to make a choice, and I try to keep my eyes in the prize: to do what I love (anything involving writing and research in biology), but it gets hard when I need to think about the financial future of my family, too.

I think I’ve decided, only that I’m overwhelmed by uncertainty that make me incapable of embracing that decision. Wish me luck.

Truer words are rarely spoken nowadays.

//c_Cae; now playing – Matisyahu – Sunshine


2 responses to “Eyes on the prize?

  1. Dear Caely,

    I’m pleased to see you shun your councilor’s assessment that you aren’t good enough. While I haven’t known you long, I’ve become acquainted with you enough to know that he’s wrong.

    With others to consider it’s tough to make those life decisions. At the same time I’d hope that it doesn’t mean laying aside your dreams and passion. You’re a woman with much to offer. I’m sending an embrace.

    I thought of you today as I started a new batch of gravlax. ;) And I enjoyed the Matisyahu video.

    Love and Shalom, peace in your decision making.


    • Dearest R,

      It’s all thanks to you and D’s support that I managed to shun her words. I really don’t deserve them, although I’m still struggling to make a decision.

      I’ll let you know that the support you have given me during our very young (but hopefully longlasting) friendship, is something I’ve always wanted and now has become something precious to me. For that, I want to thank you.

      I hope you’re well, and I’m glad you liked the Matisyahu video (he’s one of my favorite artists).

      Lots of love,

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