Thanks, 2014

To be honest, I’m not really super-high on writing a review of 2014. I wanna say it’s been a shit year, but it really hasn’t. I’ve struggled so much this year to keep my feelings in line, to find myself back again. Right when I thought I had, I went to another funeral. I really didn’t even understand what was going on. I wanted to cried rivers, but I was pushed back. My blood family that attended didn’t really appreciate my break-down during the funeral of my godmother. I hate that I didn’t get to say goodbye. I hate that my aunts didn’t even have the decency to tell me in person about the passing – I learned it second hand… I hate that the last thing my godmother asked from my aunts was to meet me and Zoe. I hate it, and I thought I didn’t have space for it.

I’m not saying the year has been full of shit hitting the fan, there were some great things that happened as well. I got my Bachelor’s degree, although I felt empty about it despite my report getting much praising. Personally, I think I would’ve done a lot better if I wasn’t so thrown off.
Zoe turned 2! Still can’t grasp that I’m a mom.
My friends got married, another got engaged.
I got a part-time job as a laboratory/research assistant at the university.

Many great things, but I’m still pretty broken, if not shaken. I wish to get better, and so I’m working towards it. Outside of my little adorable family, the only thing that makes me really happy, is my Master’s thesis and my job. I really love working at the algae lab, and just the plain sight of my unfinished project plan makes me want to work. It’s like I don’t really know what procrastination is (not in its real sense, at least).

What 2014 taught me is strength. That’s it. 2014 taught me how to be strong. Shit has hit the fan, and I’m still standing here. It sounds stupid, but I feel better even though I’m not 100% sure all the time. But then again, who is? Before I go on with random things, I’m gonna stop. Trying to find an outlet here so that I can watch something to kill time before going to bed.

I really hope 2015 will be better. And if I can’t/won’t update until new years, I wish all of you;

A happy new year!

//c_Cae; lots of love, people!

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4 responses to “Thanks, 2014

  1. Dearest Caely,

    Out with the old and in with the new, right? Take your feelings about 2014 and box them up, tape it closed, get out a sharpie and write on the tape, ‘2014-good, bad and other memories.’ Then slap that puppy up on a shelf and open it when you need to while you kick ass and take names during the transit of 2015.

    I hope the coming year is full of challenge and surprise and beauty and love. I know you will master it, or at least wrestle it to a draw. Life is a bitch sometimes (It can seem like all of the time but don’t believe it). It has highs and lows and you’ll move through them both in continuing cycles, one after the other, on your way forward. Just take it as it comes, be professional, study hard, word hard, love even harder and all will be wonderful. Your journey is just beginning and the Universe is waiting to answer all of your requests. Ask it for everything you need. You’ll find that it wants you to be happy.

    Love, love, love….

    Aloha,

    Your friend and fellow traveler,

    Doug

    • Dear D,

      Thank you. Really now, what would I do without you?
      With the new year, come new challenges and those make us grow.
      Of course the universe wants me to be happy, it brought me friends like you and R. I couldn’t be more thankful.
      Lots of love,
      Caely

  2. Dear Caely,

    I echo what Doug said since he’s the most eloquent in this circle.

    I add that I’m here as another fellow traveler and friend who smiles as she watches your progress. I believe we’ll have more to rejoice over in the coming year…even if it doesn’t always feel that way.

    You are a strong young woman with much to offer this world and it is waiting to hear you roar.

    Much love, friendship and shalom.

    Rochelle

    • Dear R,

      I’ll just repeat myself, I really wouldn’t know what to do without the two of you.
      Thank you so much for being you.

      Still no card, though.

      Lots of love,
      Caely

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