To be honest, I’m not really super-high on writing a review of 2014. I wanna say it’s been a shit year, but it really hasn’t. I’ve struggled so much this year to keep my feelings in line, to find myself back again. Right when I thought I had, I went to another funeral. I really didn’t even understand what was going on. I wanted to cried rivers, but I was pushed back. My blood family that attended didn’t really appreciate my break-down during the funeral of my godmother. I hate that I didn’t get to say goodbye. I hate that my aunts didn’t even have the decency to tell me in person about the passing – I learned it second hand… I hate that the last thing my godmother asked from my aunts was to meet me and Zoe. I hate it, and I thought I didn’t have space for it.
I’m not saying the year has been full of shit hitting the fan, there were some great things that happened as well. I got my Bachelor’s degree, although I felt empty about it despite my report getting much praising. Personally, I think I would’ve done a lot better if I wasn’t so thrown off.
Zoe turned 2! Still can’t grasp that I’m a mom.
My friends got married, another got engaged.
I got a part-time job as a laboratory/research assistant at the university.
Many great things, but I’m still pretty broken, if not shaken. I wish to get better, and so I’m working towards it. Outside of my little adorable family, the only thing that makes me really happy, is my Master’s thesis and my job. I really love working at the algae lab, and just the plain sight of my unfinished project plan makes me want to work. It’s like I don’t really know what procrastination is (not in its real sense, at least).
What 2014 taught me is strength. That’s it. 2014 taught me how to be strong. Shit has hit the fan, and I’m still standing here. It sounds stupid, but I feel better even though I’m not 100% sure all the time. But then again, who is? Before I go on with random things, I’m gonna stop. Trying to find an outlet here so that I can watch something to kill time before going to bed.
I really hope 2015 will be better. And if I can’t/won’t update until new years, I wish all of you;
A happy new year!
//c_Cae; lots of love, people!